Sitting jokes

What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?

Because he's a cheetah!

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."

Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

Teacher: "Stand up, class!"

She is sitting down.

Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

I sat on a chair.

A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.

What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

Did you sit in sugar?

Because you've got a sweet ass.

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!