Chair jokes
What do you call a dancing chair?
Ring around a Rosie.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
What did the booty say to the chair?
"You complete me!"
Why did the chair file a restraining order?
The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!
Why did the rapper sit on the stool?
Because he had too much FLOW to stand still!
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
Yo mamma so fat, when she tried to sit down the chair ran away.
Me: Can I have your chair? 💺 You: Why? Me: For charity.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!