Career jokes
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.
"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because he wanted to reel in the BEST HOOKS.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
Orphan: I want to be a relator.
Teacher: Why?
Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To make some DOUGH while he dropped his beats!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he loved to drop HOT DISHES.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
Why did the rapper climb a ladder during his performance?
He wanted to take his career to the NEXT LEVEL!
Why did the rapper become a banker?
Because he wanted to make some BIG BANK DEPOSITS!
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.