Career jokes
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.
Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.
how it started
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.
But I got fired from that job.
The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he loved to drop HOT DISHES.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to drop some HOT MIXTAPES.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.
And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.
It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make dough.