Career jokes

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he loved to drop HOT DISHES.

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he wanted to drop some HOT MIXTAPES.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.

Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?

Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.

Tell it to your parents and friends!

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

Why did the rapper always carry a map?

Because he wanted to FIND his way to the TOP.

Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?

Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!