Card jokes
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
GIVEAWAAAAAAY!!!
Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it? And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!
If you read this, you lost your v card.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
Bomb goes Uno.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
I did have a good time today, I did.
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can't even deal with it!
Free blacks in the Civil War is the same as me drawing a reverse card in Uno.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.
The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.
The Ace of Spades was Hippy Flipping.