Card jokes
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
How does the Eskimo make a house of cards?
Igloos it.
What's Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card?
BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
Opponent fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribble.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.