Car jokes
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of car on fire? Hot wheels.
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
Potato.
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.