Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
An orphan was running down the road.. a car pulled up and said "get in" so the orphan got in and said "where we going?" the kidnapper said "i'm taking you to my house" he orphan replied "OML YOUR ADOPTING ME!?"
Whats the difference between my car and a school bus. A school bus takes them back home
Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination but he did go everywhere
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid, they were still breathing so I told them to walk it off.
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
Drop me in afghanistan with a dodge challenger super stock, a mexican named jose, a 6 pack of dr.pepper, a golden scar, a pack of chimichangas and a M4A1 and ill have the taliban saying the pledge of allegence in 4 hours.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
what did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? Safe life repair, safe life replace!
your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. -- But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS". Bill Says, "Ok". The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it..It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
