Car jokes

What did a car say hi to?

It said hi to the school.

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.

The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”

The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”

The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?

Why did the lady go to the dealership? Because she was going to get Hereford.

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?

A: She hit an ambulance.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

This car in RC-XD.

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

What is a car that runs and can't?

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)

Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?

Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.