Car jokes
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
When is a car not a car?
When it's a house.
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
What's the difference between a red Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a red Ferrari in my car.
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.