Car jokes
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What does a broken down vegetable say?
I need new wheels.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
you.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"