Car jokes
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
A Ford?
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.