Car jokes
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
A Ford?
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!