A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar. They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements. The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.” The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.” The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!
Blonde starts new job at local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.... The gentleman has a good look round before saying to the blonde 'it looks perfect....But Cargo space?' To which she instantly replied 'Oh I'm Sorry sir, Car only for road.
2 guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. Cop taps the window, window rolls down. "goodevening gentlemen, we're looking for 2 pedophiles."
Guy quickly closes the window. 10 seconds later he lowers it again and says: "Ok, we'll do it."
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
marriage is like buying a car. you see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and the certain parts stop working. then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and your still stuck with the old ones. you look over and go "but i just wanna sit in it. Just once." "its even got leather interior, its chrome, it doesn't even have oil/gas leaks!" " and it doesn't squeak!"
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window and says "We are looking for two child molesters". Now after a short pause the two men look at each other,then back at the officer and say "we'll do it!"
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
The first time you have a new phone you have a different one you can change your phone to a new phone but it doesn’t change the phone 📱 it’s just different I think it will work I just think it would look good 👍 and then it would work but you don’t know if it’s the right thing for the new one you just know it’s the wrong 😑 it’s a bad phone 📱 it’s a new thing it’s the same for different every day but it doesn’t look 👀 and I think 🤔 so it’s not a good 👍 but it works so it’s different so it’s different for the new phone 📱 and it doesn’t have to work on it doesn’t matter to the same for you know it’s just the one ☝️ but it doesn’t have the one that I can do a lot better and I can just use my new one ☝️ but it is not that the new iPhone 📱 so you have the one that’s the other is that I have the same thing and it’s the same phone 📱 but I have to get the new iPhone 📱 I just want it and then you have a good 😊 and it’s a different number so it’s just like 👍 so it’s just one ☝️ but you know it’s not like 👍 I have the new iPhone 📲 so you know it’s just one ☝️ so it’s a little more than just the one ☝️ and it will get the new phone 📞 so it’s just easier and cheaper for the money 💴 but it won’t cost 💲 much more to pay 💰 off your car 🚘 than to get the phone 📱 for the next two weeks weeks or even two years to to have the car car 🚘🚘 fixed so it’s easier and quicker and I will be happy 😆 I’m happy happy 😊 I’m so excited excited 😊 thank y all and I will talk soon 🔜 and have you have an update as to the results soon 🔜 thank ya again so far hope all goes all are good 😌 hope to be in your class today love ❤️ and have you been in your dreams hope all your day too bye ✌️
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, That some dick cut her off.
A note for My arts/health teacher:
oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.
@DreamBlue
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
i had to stop drinking because i got tired of waking up in my car driving 90
