Car jokes
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
There's a Mexican, Brazilian, and Cuban in a S60. Who's driving?
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.