Car jokes

If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

There's a Mexican, Brazilian, and Cuban in a S60. Who's driving?

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

What is it called when you have four white people in the car?

Clear windows.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.