Cant jokes
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Why can't Americans play chess?
Because they're missing two towers.
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?
He can't choose between black or white.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why can't two Chinese people have a white kid?
Two wongs don't make a white.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".