Cant jokes
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it to home.
Why can't Americans play chess?
Because they're missing two towers.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?
He can't choose between black or white.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Why can’t the blind man find love?
It’s called love at first sight.