Can jokes

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Yo mama so ugly,

they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.