Can jokes
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
Whatβs the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Memes
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
Yo mama so ugly,
they wonβt give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and weβll see the first thing that pops up!
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.
Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.
I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.