Can jokes

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

What can jump higher than a basketball player?

An emo kid, they never touch the ground.

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit."

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.