Can jokes

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.

Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?

Answer: Loneliness.

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

Yo mama so ugly,

they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!