Can Jokes

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

Gun

An older woman is holding a gun. Text says: when you're presenting in class and someone says "can you speak up i can't hear you"

I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch cold.

What type of jam can you not eat?

Traffic jam.

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."

Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.