Can jokes
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
How can Batman defeat the Joker? A: With a handful of sleeping pills.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!