Can jokes

Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit."

Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?

Answer: Loneliness.

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.