Can

Can Jokes

Post

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

Tag

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

Sense

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Horse

Can you go as a horse for Halloween?

Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!

Ball

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

Shit

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit."

Loneliness

Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?

Answer: Loneliness.

Angel

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Flash

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

Orphan

Why can you bully orphans?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.

Penaldo

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

Name

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.

Relationship

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

Car

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Orphan

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

Water

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

Ranga

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.