Can jokes
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
It works, my brother has never slept better
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.