Can jokes
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
Cool people: I can do anything.
Normal people: I can do nothing.
Why tie when you can knot?
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Michael saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and asked her why she did that. Mommy said she was a good girl. Michael Joseph Jackson asked, "Can I be a good girl and kiss Santa Claus?" Mommy replied, "When you grow up to be a rich white woman." And now, we know the rest of the story.
What's the difference between Michael Joseph Jackson and Mickey Mouse? Besides being a disease-carrying rodent, and one a dangerous pedophile, Mickey Mouse can still touch and go near kids.
I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.
If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.