Can jokes
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
What is the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
Memes
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Cool people: I can do anything.
Normal people: I can do nothing.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.