Can jokes
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Father’s Day.
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.