Can jokes

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?

From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

I like Christmas.

It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"

And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."

Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!