Can jokes

Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!

Can we go back to 2001?

I bet it was more fun back then.

A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"

And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. 😂

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?

Because they can actually buy a house.

Why do emo kids cost so much?

Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.

Been learning Chinese...

69 is too-can-chew.

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.