Can jokes
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
"Hey Kenya, can we talk please!"
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
Being gay is the most masculine thing that is possible because only men can be gay.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?
Orphan: Parent signature: ___________
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.
Orphan: Can I come over?
Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
lmao why do people think they can fly?