Can

Can jokes

Pimp

    • What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

    Condoms!

  • 1

    • Trump

    • Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.

    As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.

    As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.

    Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"

  • 5

    • Breakup

    • My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)

    It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.

    Can memes

    Death

    • What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

    Cot death.

  • 0

    • Pickpocket

    • Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

    The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

    "I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

    "I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

    The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

    "I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

  • 1

    • Pedo

    • 101 pedo jokes.

    Why's everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, it's called women taking advantage, you'll shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who don't admit they're like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why don't you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, I've been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, I know what's going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jealous coz your drink tastes like shit?

    Is it coz your shit though? How many bids have you done? Shit 1 million views, don't try bribe me, did the police give me snip? How's my barbie doll or shall I say my little pony? The police beat fuck outta me, what's all these needle marks on my arm, I can tell you want something, why's everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web.

    Keep it going on lol.

  • 3

    • Rooster

    • One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.

  • 0

    • Rape

    • I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

  • 1