Can jokes

There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!

What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

Lenda: Hey, can you help me with my homework, please?!

Genda: Okay, and if I do, you won't make a fuss about it!

Lenda: I'll try!

3 mins later.

Genda: THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER!

Lenda: Then what is 90 million?

Genda: WHA WHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lenda mocking her: WHA OH YEAH YOU ARE A TERRIBLE TUTOR!!!!!!!!

4 mins later.

Genda: What is the capitol of watchington?

Lenda: Uh.....Idaho!

Genda being sarcastic: Yes...it is not the capitol of watchington...BECAUSE IT IS A STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lenda: Oh, you mean Iowa!

Genda: UHHHHHHHHHHHH CUSS WORD!!!!!!!!!!

Lenda: U can't help that I'm the smart one...okay sweetie now you go be dumb and I go be smart! LATER SISTER! Oh wait, can you help me with my homework?

Genda: NO! You the smart one so you do it!

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.

Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?

A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.

Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.

I entered Kian's house. At the top of the stair, I was greeted by my greatest fantasy, JOHN. He said in a manly tone, "Hello there." I walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back. As I walked past his room, I felt uneasy. I walked into Kian's room to find no one. I turned around and gasped. John is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer. He pushed me onto Kian's bed. The bed was that bad it broke as I fell onto it. John says, "A broken bed is nothing to worry about." I look up at him in disbelief, he's more masculine than I thought. He thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch. He then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point I knew it was too late John, the fart he ripped (sticky to the touch) had me so in shock I wasn't ready for what was next, he picked and jumped on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadly, sticky to the touch fart I'd ever seen, it knocked me out. I awoke to find I was in the WALLS. I looked out to find I was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, I fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, I heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" I then knew I was in for some Kian treats.

The end

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!

What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

What idiot said to Stephen Hawking, "You can't run before you can walk"?