Can

Can jokes

Roast

B: Can you please stop roasting me?

A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.

Orphan

Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."

Emo

What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?

They can both carve a new emotion.

Earth

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

Horse

What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

Emo

Why do emos have friends?

So they can hang with each other.

Palestine

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

Orphan

Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?

A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.

Job

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Type

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

Pizza

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

Penis

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

Discount

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.