What's worse then a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? A: So she can moan with the other.
English is weird. -- It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek Together we can stop this shit
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Knock knock
Who's there
Insomnia
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
Husband: I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
What's the difference between dark humour and morbid humour?
Dark humour is 10 babys in a trash can Morbid humour is 1 baby in 10 trash cans
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey's F-king cooking show! Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN'T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH PORN DON'T YOU??!!!!!!
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Why do they do glow in the dark comdoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
I SH so much, even when i die and become a ghost, you can see red striped floating around the room.
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
