How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.
"What is it?" said George Sink.
"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
Hey, cobalt can't. But tin can ;)
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
