Came jokes

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"

I said, "Yes, I know I am."

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"

It hasn’t come out yet.

Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!

Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.

A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?

When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

I don't know, go google it.

I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!