Call jokes
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
Memes
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.