Call jokes
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
Q) What do trees call deforestation?
A) TREASON!
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.