Call jokes
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
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What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
Memes
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!