Call jokes
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?
Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?
Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~