Call jokes
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
What do you call someone who farts in public? A private tutor.
If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?
A tEsTiClE!
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing? Dead mooves.
What do you call people from Paris?
Parasites.
What did the dumb kid call ratios?
A type of cereal.
What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?
A foreign exchange student.
Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."
What do you call a lazy potato chip? Lays!
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"
"Sofishticated."
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!