Call jokes

What do you call a Mexican's prison?

The border.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

Why can't orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy".

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?

Awwtistic.

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.

How'd she burn the other side? They called back.

What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!