Call jokes

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?

Dumb.

Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.

What do you call a smart blonde?

Nonexistent.

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?

Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Unnecessary.

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.