Call jokes
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Could a phone booth also be called a chatterbox?
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
What do you call a rich Asian?
Cha-ching!
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*