Call Jokes

What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?

Awwtistic.

Me: Calls 9-1-1.

Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?

Me: *hangs up*

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Unnecessary.

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

A yellow minion with one eye and blue overalls stands on the left. To the right, there is a text that begins: "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals..." and continues with a long, aggressive monologue.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

Why can't orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy".

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha Ching.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"