Call jokes
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philipe Philope.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
Memes
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
Call me an elevator, because I let people down.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
What do you call a boy Panera Bread?
Panera Balls.
What do you call an Indian lesbian?
Mingeeta.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*