Call jokes
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"
He started crying.
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
What do you call a black woman?
A Nigg-girl.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
What do you call a dirty Mexican?
A chulo.
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
What do you call a friend in space?
Space friend.
Prank phone calls. I did this prank last week. I picked the not so big businesses and places to do prank phone calls: Burger King, JCPenney's, and neighbors. I will tell you what I said.
Me: "Hello, this is... Zariana and I am from New York." Burger King staff: "Well we work in Florida." Me: "Good, now I want a large cake with some salad... with some eggnog... and some baby food." Burger King: "We don't serve any of that, ma'am." Me: "And I want it to go, please!" Burger King staff: "Sorry ma'am, we don't ha-" And I hung up on him right before he could say "have." Now JCPenney's ordering.
Me: "Hello, this is Trina from South Carolina." JCPenney's register: "Yes, what can I do for you, ma'am?" Me: "Excuse me?" JCPenney's register: "I was asking if there is anything you need help with, ma'am." Me: "Sorry, I can't hear you... what!" JCPenney's register: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER, MA'AM?" Me: "I still can't hear you! Say that again!!!" JCPenney's register: "Ma'am, can you hear correctly?" Me: "YES, I CAN... NOW YOUR GOING TO BODY SHAME THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A 1 STAR RATTING!!!!!!" JCPenney's register: "No ma'am, I was just saying tha-" Hung up.
Next one was on my neighbors, Mrs. Jarkinson. Me: "Hello, sorry to bother you, but do you know what this word means: fhermkrekm?" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What, who is this?" Me: "Ummm... Mrs. Keris!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "So what does what word mean again?" Me: "fnjfnjrfnjr!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What!!!" Me: "fnjefnj" Mrs. Jarkinson: SO SORRY WHAT!!!!!!! Me: "Never mind!" Hehehe! Hung up on her now Mr. Morris.
Me: "Hola Sr. Morris, que pasa?" Mr. Morris: "Sorry, what, I don't speak Spanish!" Me: "Está bien ... di que no me hagas caso, ¡solo necesito ayuda!" Btw I used a translator app and I learned really quickly! Mr. Morris: "What does that even mean!" Me: "Sí señor, veo dónde está su cabeza, pero ¿cómo se hace algún libro? ¿Me parece muy difícil? Jejejeje!" Mr. Morris: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN THOUGH!!! Me: "No señor, no se rinda en el primer intento de ballet! Debería ser fácil ... di de qué te quejas? Oh sorry I have to go!" Mr. Morris: "Wait, but what does tha-"
I bet you're wondering how I got these phone calls remembered, well I recorded them! I don't know how but I did. Btw not Spanish just learned really quickly.
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What do you call a nervous Jedi? Panakin.
What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?
Jah Bless.
What do you call a flying Aboriginal?
Boong 747.