Call jokes
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
What do you call a white man in court?
SUPERIOR!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do you call a cool octopus?
Tenta-cool (tentacle)
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
What are a pedophile"s shoes called?
Answer: WHITE VANS
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.