Call jokes
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't call them "daddy."
Adopted kid:
Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
Alex:
Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."
Adopted kid:
OK, dad Alex.
Alex:
Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!
Adopted kid:
I’m so glad I have a mom.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
What do you call a bloody pig?
HAMorrhage!
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call a fish with no I? A fshhhhhh!
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
What do you call a bunch of biracial, retarded kids? The Special Olympics.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"
The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."
A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"
The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."
Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."