But jokes

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

Orphans maybe got phones, but they don't have a home button.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

But wait, what family? He never had one.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.

What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?

Others: R.

Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."