But jokes
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.
Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.
Lil Jimmy: Why?
Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.
Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.
But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)