But jokes

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.

One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.

Oil is soooooooo soooooooo cute 😍 ☺ 💓 💕 💖 ✨ 😍

I can't help it. Images look crazy but oil is soooooo cute!

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

I wrote a song about a tortilla yesterday, but it’s actually more of a rap.

There is nothing gayer than butt slapping the ass at Hooters.

What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?

Gum.

Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!

There are women's support groups, but where are men's support groups?

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

Your mom is just like Rapunzel, but instead of letting down her hair, she lets everyone down! OHHHHH!

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.