But jokes

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only had a croc pot.

I made a website for orphans, but it didn't have a home page.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and feel better.

I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!

My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

Me: Okay.

My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

Sister: OMG, she's dead!

Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

East Richmond has a train station at East Richmond, but Richmond is better, why?

Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?

Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.

Farmer's Wife: Why?

Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.

I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.

But don't worry, he is all right now.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.