But jokes

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn’t actually tell me the joke... I was the joke. 😭😭😭😔😔😔😒😒😒

What did the butt cheek say to the other when you open us a big order of "choochie man" comes out?

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

You're dumb, but that's not what she said.

A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

I can't handle these puns...

But I can HAND you some puns!

Budum tiss!

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but... we're still working on it.

I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

I was going to make a bulimia joke, but suddenly it just felt so empty.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."

I just overheard this but:

How do you make a party in space?

You planet.