But jokes

You call me ugly, but maybe that is why we look alike.

I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.

"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."

My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.

Hey, I haven't been on for like 2 months. I don't know who is still on here or like if everyone left, but yuh, I just decided to come back. Hey.

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait........

You might say I'm mean but what are they gonna do..... tell their parents?

Wait..........

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.

One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.

Oil is soooooooo soooooooo cute 😍 ☺ 💓 💕 💖 ✨ 😍

I can't help it. Images look crazy but oil is soooooo cute!

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

I wrote a song about a tortilla yesterday, but it’s actually more of a rap.

There is nothing gayer than butt slapping the ass at Hooters.

What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?

Gum.

Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!

There are women's support groups, but where are men's support groups?

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.