But jokes

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."

-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

What is red, orange, and yellow but doesn’t feel anything when it falls? Autumn leaves. 🍁

Why were the Twin Towers so mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni, but instead they got plain!

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

Pro lifers: End abortion!!!

Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.

My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Making a comforting breakfast.

But you have a knife.

Jack & Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy...but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c0ck cuz Jill's real name was Randy.

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.