But jokes

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

Pro lifers: End abortion!!!

Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.

What's white but not black, and red all over?

J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.

Why were the Twin Towers so mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni, but instead they got plain!

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

Two antennas got married. The ceremony dragged on, but the reception was excellent.

Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?

Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.

Tell it to your parents and friends!

I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.

I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.

I'm sorry, but I can only process text. Please provide the joke as text.

The twins ordered pepperoni, but they got plain.

Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.

Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.

If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Making a comforting breakfast.

But you have a knife.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

Jack & Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy...but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c0ck cuz Jill's real name was Randy.

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!