But jokes

You can't see me, but when I smile, you can.

We were going to McDonald's, but we ran into your hairline!

Yo mama so fat that when she fell on the concrete, nobody laughed, but the concrete cracked up.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."

-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food

What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?

Answer: fire.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.

I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.

What is red, orange, and yellow but doesn’t feel anything when it falls? Autumn leaves. 🍁