But jokes
I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.
I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They wanted pepperoni, but got plane instead.
I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
Why were the Twin Towers angry on 9/11?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got instead was plane.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol