But jokes

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?

A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.

By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.

Enjoy!

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?

You were hit by a shockwave!

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

There is only one reason why I find women useful.

That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.

I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

One man walked into a bar. A second man walked into a bar, but the third guy ducked.

I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

I would post a joke, but maybe it's too deadpan.