But jokes

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.

Why were the Twin Towers workers disappointed? Because they ordered a ham and cheese, but all they got was a plane.

Why were the Twin Towers upset? Because they ordered pepperoni and cheese pizza, but instead got plain!

They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...

Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

Why do your orphans not drink beer?

Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?

smart

kind

sweet

caring

loving

mature

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?

"I got stuck in a butt crack!"

How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?

Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.