But jokes

Sorry but, no one asked.

The Twin Towers ordered two pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plane.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?

Answer: Loneliness.

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.