But jokes

Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.

I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."

The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"

The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

The "F" in "orphan" stands for family, but there is no "F" in "orphan."

There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?

There was nothing left but de-brie.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.