But jokes

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.

This orphan showed me a family photo.

But it was just a selfie.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.