But jokes

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

What has hands but can’t clap?

A thalidomide baby.

Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a touchy subject.

Roses are red, bow down to your master, children are fast, but I am faster.

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?

He's Dahmer's son @domink.

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)