But jokes

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.

We should stop.

Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?

The boomerang!

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

Me: Okay, Papyrus. I'm no Sherlock Bones, but I'd say that Storyspin Sans is the Imposter.