But jokes
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
Me: Okay, Papyrus. I'm no Sherlock Bones, but I'd say that Storyspin Sans is the Imposter.
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
Memes
I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.
The F in "I'm orphan" stands for family.
But there is no F.
You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme, but you can hear a hormone.
We should stop.
Wait, but who is the orphan going to tell?
The boomerang!
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane!
There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.
I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.
Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.