But jokes

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”

The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”

Mom: “Exactly.”

Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.

What does a knife have but not my life...

A point.

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.

Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?

But he really saved the History Channel.

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind.

I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.

I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.

Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.

I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

Why were the twin towers mad?

Because they ordered a cheese pizza, but instead they got plane.