But jokes

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.

But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.

Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?

But he really saved the History Channel.

She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”

The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”

Mom: “Exactly.”

I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.

I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

What does a knife have but not my life...

A point.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.

Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.