What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?
They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.
Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
How are peppers ๐ถ so nosey?
They get jalapeรฑo business.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. ๐๐คฃ
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
โ It just didnโt work out.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
Iโm going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
What store can an orphan never find?
Home Depot.
