Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why doesnโt Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. ๐ ๐
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
