Business jokes

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

...their new slogan?

The Quicker Pecker Upper.

When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."

An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

A man opened a snail farm.

He said that it is a slow-moving business.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?

He puts his PJ-Amazon!

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.

Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.

Why are Indians so good at football?

Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory!

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."