What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
