Business jokes
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂
We gotta work ahead, people!
ASDA.
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
What do you call a fast Panera Bread?
Panera Sped.
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
What do you call it when Panera Bread shuts down?
Panera is dead.
What do you call a shedding Panera Bread?
Panera Shed.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To become the spicy chicken burger at Chic-fil-A.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!