Business jokes
What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?
They both be flying??
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
We gotta work ahead, people!
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
Memes
Bro really said “eat shit”
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂
What state do miners hate?
Oregon.
ASDA.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"
So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
Welcome to codi's pizzeria and abortion clinic; your loss is our sauce!
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.