A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. š š
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
T-Series.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill? Taco Bell going out of business
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!
Gunsalesman: No u
