Business jokes
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.
This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)
Why is 1 equal to 22?
4 is too busy and one has the 21s to 4!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.
What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.